Madness of the Lobster

On Saturday afternoon I sat down on a small wooden chair, placing the backpack down in the corner of the South American restaurant, just after leaving the local cinema. It made a change from the usual haunt of the breakfast burrito and eggs florentine that usual follows a trip to see the latest cinematic masterpiece, and perhaps there were surprises to be had.

After some time perusing the menu, a feast fit for the eyes as well as the stomach was ordered, with cups of tea of course. What? We’re not barbarians, now excuse me while I change into my evening tuxedo!

What followed afterwards was a delight. A mixture of pulled meats, lentils, plantain with either sour dough bread or arepas which is a lovely fried bread when put together with salad and sauces. Even pictures of said food would not do it justice and brought back some wonderful memories of previous visits to South America. These dishes only served to lift your spirits in a wonderfully bright and warm environment, and to even enhance the dining experience, the staff were just a delight. Round off with a cup of tea and to be honest, it was a great surprise to find such a feast awaiting us in the confines of a small indoor market.

Why am I telling you this? Well, one simple reason; it’s about 100% more interesting than what happens in today’s film on the chopping block; The Lobster.

Winning several awards from various bodies around the world, this seems to be a prime example of Oscar Bait surely? It was released last year and now is available on DVD. Well I’m not even going to waste your time any further. This is one of the worse attempts at satire or indeed story I’ve ever witnessed. During the screening, it sent people to sleep, others walked out, and even those who stayed were compelled to look at what was happening on Facebook more than what was on screen.

If you want to read on about the film, then by all means but the more you read, the more you will get confused. There will be spoilers but seriously, it really won’t matter here. Continue reading

Oscar Bait 2016: Trumbo

It’s about time for visiting another contender for the golden dildos of Hollywood. Well, it was either that or I could just remark on how to waste a day playing video games while eating cheese toasties instead of, well, doing anything else. And after posting about the Ridiculous 6 the other day, anything surely would be better.

It’s all glitz and glamour up in this bitch!

Today’s epic true story toting tale comes in the form of Trumbo, a screenwriter having lovely fun among the Hollywoodies back in the day (starting at the end of the 1940s). Trumbo (whose name keeps conjuring up an elephant at the circus in my mind for some reason) spends time fighting for worker’s rights within the film industry and just also happens to be a member of the communist party in America.

Already you can see the problem with covering something like this that sparks the spider senses of meh from us, the viewing public; It’s a true story for the most part about someone who worked in Hollywood who had to suffer. The subject matter is such that you instantly think this will blow up up everyone’s arses in the industry and therefore makes everyone instantly want to fawn over it. Prime Oscar Bait for sure. Continue reading

Hanging with Mr. Diablo

For the first post in the month of February, I’m going to breaking away from writing about films which seems to be a lot of what goes on here for the time being. Instead I’ll do something akin to whoring myself out more with crap I did on Youtube, which of course is far more laudable a use of time on a blog isn’t it? Well, it’s not exactly the worse thing in the world is it?

For that, you can just join the internet rage against some people called the Fine Brothers, who tried to trademark the word “react” for making more money from videos which just show people reacting to things. Or be like the owner of a horse which turned up in someone’s photo then demand a share of a £2,000 selfie prize.

See, there are worse things!

Actually I just want to talk about something I do on Saturday nights. No, not that. Maybe…..sometimes…..it’s complicated. Actually for the past few Saturdays, I’ve been sat down (or in some cases, lying back) on the sofa and finding a real use for the most neglected machine in the flat; the Playstation 4. Seriously, it’s been rare that I switch the thing on for anything other than streaming crap from Amazon, Netflix and Youtube. The only other time had been for Super Meat Boy when the Lady of Leisure comes to visit. Which is a sentence not often written come to think of it.

What’s more, it’s been to play a game that I’ve completed twice on the PC and yet for some reason, I’m going through it all over again. Only this time doing silly voices and talking even more complete b*llocks than usual.

Let’s get this bad boy on mother lovers!

In a strange sort of way, it was in a way more relaxing to do something like this too, as only my voice, when it can be heard of course, is present. Without having to check everything else is OK with picture, the webcam, lighting etc. it’s meant an easier time to get things rolling. However sitting on the sofa quite a way from a desktop microphone as you can see in the picture won’t help matters in terms of audio quality though, so that will always remain a concern.

Why am I doing this? It’s kind of an experiment for me as really it’s not so much getting through the game. I’d already done that before. It’s just more about kicking back and shooting the sh*t about whatever without caring as much. Nothing edited, nothing really changed, just raw Lord of Leisure talking complete b*llocks into a mic and terrible quality gaming. Ridiculously I had the most people watching and interacting while playing that. It added something to the mix and it made it a lot more sociable than I’m used to.

It’s been great giving a personality to the character whom is on screen too, and I can’t imagine a time when we leave Jeff the Witch Doctor behind, with his dodgy accent and bad sense of what’s important in life.

So if you care to join in the fun and see the epic adventures of Jeff the Witch Doctor, Edina the Enchantress, Herman Munster and the rest of the A-Team you can catch up with it below;

And of course, you can join me live on Twitch come Saturday for the next part where no doubt I will say something offensive and get sued for slander or just for making Jeff the Witch Doctor sound simple. There you go, that’s my 5 minutes of plugging rubbish over with. Now then, what should I do next? Cup of tea of course, it will show me the way forward. To the kitchen!

The Ridiculous 6: Best Car Crash of 2016 (so far)

Good day to you all gentle readers of filth and porn. Recently on Ooh Sometimes, aside from various attempts at doing videos on games, we had also been writing about Oscar Bait films, all hoping to win the glorious accolades from themselves.

However, this time we focus on something which is only most likely to win a piece of leftover tin foil used for cooking Christmas dinner in; Netflix’s The Ridiculous 6, a comedy-wannabe about stuff in the Wild West.

Wait!

COME BACK!!!

Ok, Ok, I get it.

Just at the mere mention of that pile of rotten socks, you’re already drinking battery acid and removing your eyes with spoons to avoid reading any more. I understand, I really do. But stick with me on this one and you will reach a weird conclusion as to why The RIdiculous 6 has been actually one of the best things to happen to Netflix.

This is the point where you’re remarking “Wha….Why?” in a confused daze.

Well let me explain all. With this film, a result of a deal struck between Netflix and Adam Sandler’s production company to produce original content for the streaming giant for at least 4 films so, Netflix are on the hook for even more of these monstrosities. And surely they will be crying at this.

After all, the signs of it being complete b*llocks are there just after the opening credits proclaim the film is available in 4K.

Continue reading

Oscar Bait 2016: The Danish Girl

Sometimes writing about something is easy, especially for someone who just sits at the keyboard being just another lost voice on the internet. There is a cause which stokes passion, something on TV which makes you laugh or perhaps even makes you so mad that you feel compelled to write something up or even just post on Facebook, stating your case in a few poetic words.

Words like “I cut my wrists……LOL!” or “What the f*ck was that?”

I’m too sexy for this picture, too sexy for this picture, so sexy it hurts!

And then we come to the Danish Girl, another in the list of shiny shiny chasers released at this time which nicely proclaims that it’s based on another true story because that makes it all better. I can pretty much some up the film in just one sentence, which doesn’t come up that often.

This is pretty much a couple of hours you won’t get back, should you watch whatever this was meant to be.

And remarkably it’s kind of hard going to even continue beyond that you know. There are just a few moments where I wasn’t even sure what the story was meant to be till a third of the film had wandered past our magic eyes, so I may as well try to explain here as best as I can. Continue reading

Xcommin’ it up: The Return of the Gaming Car Crash

Finally we catch up with the first livestreams of 2016 on YouTube for all to laugh at how badly they go. For once, I didn’t just overboard on playing the same brawl over Hearthstone as I normally do. No no no…. instead a lovely little game with Aliens and no bum scanning that aliens tend to do, called Xcom: Enemy Within, released quite a while ago now by 2K Games.

The reason why I decided to play this game mainly was due to the recent influx of pretty much all the press and Youtubers magically getting hold of preview copies of XCOM 2. Yes, they all got to play a preview build of the game and all the while, us actually paying hard earned cash are left to do nothing but salivate over the turn-based game-porn.

So it was only natural that those ridiculous number of videos all posted on the same day would do wonders for getting you back into the spirit of things so of I went back to try my hand to at least get a bit further before losing three weeks in February on doing work in the house. More than that later, but for now please enjoy my pratting about with the game not once, but twice!

Part 1: The Aliens get what’s coming to them!

Part 2: Where the fun continues for no reason!

Making a Murderer or How Americans can scare the crap out of us….

A lot of the time, I try to steer clear of cop shows or reality television in general as they generally stick to a certain formula, have technology way in advance of the starship Enterprise to show the Jackson Pollock painting of staines over a crime scene and frankly when was the last time you could remember the bad guys getting a break?

The last time I even ventured willingly into that world was Law & Order: Special Victims Unit where they decided to make an episode all about Gamergate and the complete headf*ck that became. Even more so, reality television which gives us typically the likes of Big Bother, the Great British Bake-B*llocks-Off and World’s Strongest Carrot (wait for it, it will be on BBC 2 this year I bet…) which tend to be do mind numbingly dull, you will end up feeling your own neck to check if there is still any sign of life.

However, like the world we live where we sway from one thing to another on a coin toss, it appears that something new has caught everyone’s attention. A lot of attention actually, to the point that even the White House was involved.

Over on Netflix, there was a recent addition in the form of the documentary series called Making A Murderer which on the face of it appears to be another in the long line of reality TV but once you get into it, then it becomes all the more sinister, leaving far too many questions.

Granted those questions mainly are about the justice system in the USA as we know, and the people who were involved. It’s not even a spoiler to say that after watching even just a couple of episodes, there’s no way in hell you would want to live in the state of Wisconsin or perhaps even the US as a whole unless you stick to the coastal cities with easy access to an airport to escape the madness. Continue reading

Oscar Bait 2016: Room

As promised during the epic introduction to the forthcoming snarking for this year’s set of “Oscar Bait” films, which seem to have been just created for the sole purpose of winning anything that has the phantom of the opera’s face on it in some shape or form, we now take a look at the Mother / Son dynamic based Room.

The dynamic duo of stars in the other star of the film, the room itself.

Now to show I actually tried to research some of the background for this film, here’s some facts…Ok, I cheated and just looked at IMDB.

Room was a film on a limited release last year in only a few places like the US, Turkey and Slovakia. So as you can imagine, it hasn’t done that well at the box office at the moment but is set for release in the UK 15th January, having been moved away from competing with other Oscar Bait films releasing at the same time, which given one of the films Spotlight happily devotes time to the “child loving too much” catholic priests scandal, they are far more likely to get bums on seats.

It was adapted from a novel of the same name written by Emma Donoghue, who then also wrote the screenplay for this as well. Apparently Emma had put everything together after what occurred with Joseph Fritzl and his wonderful holiday camp of horrors in Austria back in 2008, who apparently didn’t have anything better to do in life other than imprison and repeatedly impregnating his daughter. So already you know that this is not going to be something people would not flock to see in droves, much like Big Brother.

So far, so shiny shiny chaser given the fact that last night at the time of writing, the lead actress Brie Larson has won a Golden Globe for her performance. However, having watched a preview at a Brixton picturehouse before Room’s general release, I am honestly impressed.

So much so, that instead of proceeding to mock the whole thing as I had done for other films last year which deserved the bile, I would actually state now, ahead of going into details, that this was a remarkable production and the people involved should actually be very proud of themselves. Now hang on, I hear you cry, how the hell can you actually justify this, especially given the fact that it’s going to be about as fun as putting your love spuds in a blender and having lots of fun switching it on and off?

Continue reading

Oscar Bait Season 2016

Every expense was spared in the creation of this logo….

It’s the most wonderful time of the year when the various film studios around the world start shoving out their very best colouring in projects in order to try and win the coveted shiny shiny, then don’t bother till next year. So obvious is the practice now, that the studios don’t even bother mixing it all up and in fact tend to stick with the same formula. Almost everything is based on a true story, where one person or group fight for something they believe in, or against a bad system of something or other.

Probably there will be some emotional shouting, some uplifting grand music, everyone involved has already won something or been nominated before and so all those things hang over their names as they appear on screen. We know it all too well by now and frankly, it really takes the p*ss with the viewing public.

Forget the critics and those in the biz who are voting for each other to ensure they get the lovely golden doorstops, what about us; the paying public who will have nothing but all this crap to choose from in the cinemas for at least the next two months? Perhaps that statement could extend for the rest of 2016 judging from some of the recent trailers seen last year, but we’ll just stick to the awards season for now! Continue reading

Netflix dared the devil….Part 2

Welcome back campers for Part 2 of where we look at Netflix and Marvel’s recent efforts to bring comic book stuff to the various sized screens which can receive the streaming service.

In case you didn’t read Part 1, which you can read to get some of the back story to Daredevil, last time we had to spend quite a bit of time setting the scene up of what happened with Daredevil the first time that people with cameras decided to give it a go and what was going to change given that now Daredevil was a online only TV series with 13 episodes to spread the love over instead of just a couple of hours. We’ve have Howling Mad Matt Murdock as seen below in the lovely title picture as Daredevil going to war with the bad guys to reclaim his kitchen. Err… I mean Hell’s Kitchen in New York.

Bear in mind, this second part does go into what you may consider more spoiler territory to a degree, and also this is quite a long read. So sit back and relax……

Now that we are aware of what at the beginning plays out, it’s now fair to start talking about the direction that everyone went in with this first series. Make no mistake, this truly was just the set-up series to explain an awful lot about what’s happening and why with particular focuses on motivations behind the characters we see (yes, add your own blind joke here) and in my honest opinion, this is what makes it so much more than the film ever could have been.

Therefore it’s about time we addressed the Kingpin in the room, namely Wilson Fisk aka Kingpin, played on this occasion by Vincent D’Onofrio as the latest chap to play the bald crime boss nutter hell bent on remaking Hell’s Kitchen as he sees fit by whatever means he deems fit.

Working with James Wesley as his personal assistant, it’s fascinating to see how old Fisk changes from a man focused on doing just one thing, to effectively change his priorities when a woman he takes a real fancy to in an art gallery (Another Mrs Macbeth as time goes on, played by Ayelet Zurer) gets involved with him and as such due to events which occur during the course of the series, we see some real rage developing within the Kingpin which if left unchecked, would cause very serious problems for a lot of people, including his partners in crime. However, it’s rage but with reason.

It cannot be understated how well suited to the character that Vincent D’Onofrio became over the course of the show as you saw him come out more into the light, and was actually a decent choice to not really show the main villain too much to begin with, only giving you select moments before the big reveal and it was a good pay off for sure.  Continue reading