The Cop Show Continuum

This latest piece of written onslaught against the English language on this occasion, has to start with asking one question to you, the humble reader / drunk;

Have you ever seen what is shown on the UK satellite TV station known as alibi?

So……many……my eyes are melting….

It exists it seems for one reason alone; the sheer volume of cop shows now prevalent have reached epidemic levels and if we don’t start shoving them somewhere else soon, they will just overrun and destroy everything we hold dear before wrapping the scene with that yellow police line tape and saying some bad pun about the crime before cutting to the introduction titles.

I suppose when you see so many being produced in the same genre, much like comic book movies in recent years, it becomes all too easy to see patterns of behaviour in what makes a cop show live and breathe, unlike Mrs Higgins from No. 42 who was killed just now. Where were you just now? It was you, you b******d, YOU DID IT!!!! The downside of this is once you’ve seen one, you suspect you’ve seen them all. Continue reading

All the King’s Horses and all the Kingsmen….

Given the recent remarks on Ooh Sometimes, about the sheer volume of award grabbing films which have been released this time of year, the fact that the Lego Movie was pretty much snubbed for anything beyond a BAFTA nomination for animated film and best song at the Oscars, it’s with great relief that finally something else has come along.

As the recent film Birdman itself commented on (of sorts) about viewing habits of the public, this will drag you away from your everyday lives and the tales of true stories and various amounts of shouting and crying which is pretty much what is required for something to be “hard-hitting” these days.

Perhaps then, my reaction to Kingmen: The Secret Service on Twitter coupled with the next paragraph may be forgiven in it’s lack of objectivity as when asked by anyone who will come along afterwards and enquire about the comic-book conversion from the chaps behind Kick-Ass, it will go something like this;

Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, f**king watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, what are you still doing here, go watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, have you watched it yet? Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it.

Sorry I had to beat people up just now, would you care for some pork scratchings?

Not exactly the stuff that you read in the Guardian in terms of critical excellence and it would have been enough to just leave it at that and ensure that everyone marched over to the cinema this instant.

But then again, not everyone is that way inclined when it comes to the well worn-out ground of the spy genre, and arguably it’s entirely understandable why so many people will pass this over in favour of more serious content.

So, what’s the story and is it any good despite the blubbering watch it comments above?

Continue reading

Gaming Car Crash: Early Access

Early access is all the rage right now, with people more than will to stump up their hard earned cash for stuff which isn’t finished. From Kickstarters not quite going to plan and thus games being unfinished, to people getting so angry about game breaking stuff when they stumped up cash for Early Access to Sony Online Entertainment’s H1Z1 recently, it’s not quite as good as you may think.

So what better way to see what the fuss is about but to have a gander at some of these old early access things?

So join us once again for a good old time*, Thursday 29th January at 8pm UTC where we will be featured not one, not two but three early access titles for you to see what kind of things are being chucked out on the interweb for all to purchase and cry over as it’s not what they wanted.

Will they frustrate just as much as Resident Evil HD where apparently I was in the wrong for playing it wrong and not thinking (true comment)? Will that turd monster from Binding of Issac haunt us so much that I drown myself in my own tears? Will I make any sense and not just laugh all the time?

Let’s find out Thursday!

* Terms and conditions apply, see pack for details, no humans were harmed during the making of the naughty in the toilet, well unless you don’t count the smell as harming…

And now for the image thanks for the remastered logo, we happily stole and used content from these fine sources; by Gaetan Lee by Marcus J. Ranum

Into the area with the trees…

Welcome back friends, countrymen and various people of sizes, as we continue our look into the various films coming out at this time of year, which are on the face of it, merely designed to both earn off your hard earned laziness and also the shiny shiny bling to show off afterwards and hit people over the head with at the after parties.

If you down the woods today, you’re sure for a big surprise. But enough of illegal acts, please step forward our next contestant, Oscar nominee for Costume Design, Production Design, and Actress in a Supporting Role;

Produced by Disney this little Christmas miracle came from the depths of hell that comes with being a Broadway musical and apparently according to the internet, had been stuck in development hell for quite a number of years.

So what’s it all about then and are there any cavemen looking drugged a la that film that keeps on giving, Foxcatcher? Well, Into the Woods gives us a rather interesting melding of several well known fairy tales with some messed up ting thrown in for good measure. Continue reading

Gaming Car Crash Remastered!

Well if at first you don’t succeed, try try….try try try try try again! After last week’s stream, we’ve gone all out with our limited creative capablities and remastered everything from start to finish.

That’s right friends, we will now be 3% less s**t than last time!*

So join us for a remastered good old time Wednesday 21st January at 8pm UTC where we will be featured two titles which were also remastered themselves in the recent past. Will they frustrate just as much as Heroes of the Storm? Will we completly f**k it all up like the non stealth session of Metal Gear Solids? Will I make any sense and not just laugh all the time? Let’s find out Wednesday!

* Terms and conditions apply, see pack for details, no humans were harmed during the making of the bacon sandwiches we made for breakfast.

And now for the image thanks for the remastered logo, we happily stole and used content from these fine sources; by Gaetan Lee by Marcus J. Ranum

Car Crash Streaming

So it came to pass, as foretold by the ancient monks of Tokataal and repeated badgering on Twitter, that on a fateful Thursday evening, the first ever gaming stream that was attempted by myself was broadcast on the the service Twitch to literally people. At most, 4 people which was 4 more than expected to tell the truth. What happened though was something completely foreseen but not entirely for the reasons I thought it would be.

In fact, one could argue that it was the best experience you can have in how not to do a live stream. In some ways, I couldn’t even bring myself to watch it more than 5 minutes afterwards. You are your own worst critic of course, but seriously…. this sh*t just got real.

Ok everyone, places, now is the time to stop vomiting and……action!

In order to narrow down the various faults of course, we have to be more specific rather than just reach for the vodka and drink to take the pain away. In essence, this will be more cringe-worthy than listening to your parents talk about the various times they had sex, but realistically, it is the only way to learn from mistakes. Continue reading

Birdman (Or the extraordinary need to take the p*ss)

When it comes to the films which get released this time of year, there are a good number which shall we say smell not like Teen Spirit but more like something left in the bin a bit too long in the hot blistering sun.

You cannot help but get suspicious when something gets tipped for so many awards even before it makes it to these shores, and even more so when they happen to be based on true stories where every actor in it tends to be so emotional crippled or serious, you’d want to just go over and give them a tissue and a sandwich while saying there there.

Just look at that overly dramatic sh*t judging from the trailer, Foxcatcher where everyone looks like they are about to go hunting for food while avoiding dinosaurs and afterwards draw pretty things on the cave wall about discovering fire.

And thus, you get the idea of the mindset going into our next contestant, Birdman, (or the other bit they tagged onto the title.)

Last time I ever go to a wedding…..

Rather than reflect the cartoon antics seen mostly in the 60s or indeed the more recently outrageous and highly entertaining Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law (Ha Ha, Phil Ken Sebben sorely missed) we actually get a tale where things are on the downward spiral for one Mr Riggan Thomson (who is played by Batman) Continue reading

The Art of Procrastination

We’re going to take a small timeout for a few minutes to remark on something which we all fight against but is one major thing that I end up losing on a daily basis and have become adept at performing. The Art of Procrastination.

It has to be said that in the last few months, I’ve actually tried to do more with the time that I have. Rather than sweep crumbs off my chest and struggle to find the point to put on underpants when wandering off to the shops, I’ve attempted to actually keep doing a given set of things to do every week, in many ways, a easier task given the lack of other concerns most people my age have. Like chasing those damn kids who playing on your lawn and playing bingo on Tuesday Afternoons with Mike and Lucy.

Yeah, we’ll get to the main sleep after this nap….

However, even now, you don’t even need to imagine the times where I still barely move. But there are some days where it takes the biscuit. The really nice ones with the orange jam inside. I wake up, full of intentions, full of drive and it seems to be all gone by about 8:30 after the second cup of tea. How does this keep on happening? Continue reading

Coming Soon: Twitch

In what can only be described as an insane attempt at doing something different, this week if all is well, we will give that new fangled broadcasting of video game playing a jolly good go on the latest plaything of Amazon’s, Twitch. The time and date is as follows;

8PM UTC on Thursday 15th January.

Basically I will be trying my best to not completely be awful at a given game on the system while leaving a chat window on screen for any burning questions you may have or just write dirty jokes about mums. If this works out OK, then we will attempt to make this a regular thing for your dining and dancing pleasure.

During this week, we will be trying out the technology which will be involved in broadcasting, just to be sure that it will sort of work(ish) when it comes to the epic failure of the event itself. Then the war crime against humanity will take place and if you like what you see, we will start doing it more, posting on the Youtubes and all that too. There will be some more dicussion on this later this week, leading up to “show time.”

Oh yes, it will be meh….it will be meh…..

Transistering along, singing a song….

Do you ever wonder if inside your computer, there is another war raging between various programs but you couldn’t just press Ctrl-Alt-Del to end it? Well most people wouldn’t as they aren’t that bored, but damned if I could explain some of what was going on in the next game to our next contestant for your consideration.

So plug in a new keyboard, polish that mouse, and launch your reading executable for Transistor.

Pretty good first date….

Released last year by the same chaps who released that game Bastion with the neverending commentary by a man who wouldn’t be out of place on a late night jazz radio show while you wandered through various places trying to make things right, this time a slightly different approach has been taken. So what’s it all about then and is it worth your precious time away from watching cute cats on the you of tubes? Continue reading