The Quiet Life of Riley

Every week, we go back into the offices, coffee bars and morgues that we inhabit to pay various evil enterprises hell bent on conquering the world via billing everyone for being alive, and we sit at our respective locations. Our work colleagues / enemies come in, and more often than not, after the Hi, how are you / Oh, you’re still alive opener, the next question inevitably falls onto; how was your weekend?

Or in the case of enemies, “I’ll get you next time Gadget.”

A man’s gotta do what a man’s got to do….

Normally when asked this, the stock answer is “Not much.” and we leave it at that. Or if someone is feeling bold, they describe one event that they went to, which is a rare occurrence. Even better, if they just came back from holiday, then they will go into a bit of detail about the weather. Now, this doesn’t sound like the epic explosion of being the life and soul of the party, does it?

No sir / madam / evil alien with death ray, you would make the argument that life has become devoid of all meaning, that we are all bitter lifeless husks of human beings and promptly should find some drugs / booze to make the pain go away.

But when this become a bad thing?

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Assassin’s Peed off a lot of people…

November is the big time of year normally when it comes to the gaming industry. Christmas is just round the corner, and it’s the perfect time to make people feel guilty for not buying things for you, thus not loving you enough. So it’s the perfect time to release the big guns to make it tough for everyone to decide on what to get.

It’s also normally at this time that we seemingly get two particular games as regular as your bowel movements; Call of Duty: Whatever Subtitle it’s meant to be now, and of course Asshanded Creed: Subtitle Here. Fifa also occurs every year, but everyone knows it’s a pile of balls and only those who haven’t had Sky Sports hardwired into their heads tend to pick that up.

Ah merde.

These franchises are released year after year, and in general it’s a case of being stuck in Groundhog day, with only minor changes, lick of paint here, redone voice acting here to show for all the effort. Last year, Assassin’s Creed found itself in the Caribbean, floating on a big pretty ship, blowing the crap out of everyone else on the high seas and making every day into “Talk like a Pirate day”, YARRR, twas more fun than catching the clap from a wench who had seem more action than Davy Jones’s underpants.  Continue reading

Moving on up

Perhaps more constipated than angry…

In a typical fashion, it had again been a long time since anything was populated on this here blog site of lies, treachery and deceit. One would argue this is just par the course these days, as remarkably it can become a lot harder to type away, hammering the keyboard unless you actually have anything to say beyond the fact you bought a jumper and watched TV.

Besides, that is what the likes of Twiiter and Facebook are for, if you’re going to make various questionable remarks to people who never chat with you, that’s the best place to do it.

This being the internet, it is also now confirmed the best place for venting bile and anger at pretty much anything that takes your fancy, and through the recent meh-fest that has been #gamergate, which instead of being about ethics because of various people having sex with each other or something, became a nice way of bitch slapping various “social warriors” about the place, and turning a form of entertainment into some kind of struggle against all things evil or orange or whatever in the world. You can tell I really paid attention…. basically people clearly are bored, and don’t actually just want to play the games they paid money for. Maybe the new hash tag should have been; #areyoubored?

Instead I shall now turn the well meaning but ultimately flawed rage against first world issues towards moving home and the hell of other people.

Now which box did I leave those small children in?

Back towards the end of August, against all odds, a flat still within the greater London area was secured, and thus a huge lifeline away from being forced to live in Zone ZZZ345, facing a 37 hour commute with armpits being shoved in your face and a nice bill for your first born just to pay for the weekly train ticket.

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Back in the Saddle

Pretty much explains a lot….

After many months of having something do, OohSometimes has had some tuck and polish and is ready to spray some more filth around the merry old internet once again, with only 70% rage inducing material as what showed up during the Scottish Referendum and the outrage when those naughty pictures Jennifer Lawrence took of herself which ended up online too.

Mind you, surprisingly, we never knew there were pictures until the media actually told us to be shocked at this, and instead, the reaction from most men was “Where are those pictures…”

Oops.

Anyway, there will be a longer post tomorrow explaining what’s been going on, and let’s be honest, it will probably mean that it will be time for the now annual Christmas message of bile and hatred soon (if people have already started counting how many Fridays there are left till Christmas….well, you asked for it) but for now, have a good night and remember, their vision is based on movement….BYE!

Taking Tablets…

it had been days….weeks perhaps. Time escapes you when you’ve gotten hooked. When you’re away from it, it gnaws at you like a rabid wilder beast or perhaps is more like those people who feel quite happy running each other over in the US when Black Friday comes around every year. A cold sweat decends the brow and all the while, you know it’s waiting. The hunger, the endless hunger…for just one more go on that annoying birds thingy before you finally sleep.

Yes, I finally have a tablet device.

It’s taken a long time to actually relent on this, and join the Ipad crowd in terms of rubbing a finger all over a screen to leave smeer marks and look at various things on the youtubes, as for the longest time, I honestly saw no real reason to own one. I’d always been in the mindset that if you have a computer, then you’re pretty much done in terms of needing things which you can stream endless amounts of filth on.

Blatant advertising found here….but for what?

But having been looking on the market for for something portable to potentially work from and well, watch endless amounts of filth on, I stumbled across an offer for a tablet that no-one would really buy. The Lenovo Yoga 10. Not the new HD version that came out recently which costs about £300 ish, but the one that started it all, which if you were to read up about it afterwards, suffers from a good number of problems. Continue reading

Watch some dogs of your very own….(Competition Time!)

UPDATE: Mr Glyn Tebbutt as the only entry, won the game code!

WOOOOOOO and other noises! Code has been sent off in the email post type thing for Glyn. For everyone else, this shows that for future competitions, your chances of winning something which costs 30 quid would be pretty high!

With all the fuss of the recent release of Watch Dogs and the subsequent meh mehing of the gaming media towards it as a result of putting out thousands of trailers about the game, you would be forgiven in thinking it was all a big pile of brown stuff.

Some initial issues did turn up last week, including a rather naughty problem involving Ubisoft’s much maligned client, Uplay, which of course, didn’t let people Uplay the game earlier last week, which occurred across a number of platforms, which was a first. But it seems to have settled down for the time being, which should mean all is well for you to get online and get hacking away at something other than the Pirate Bay.

Rest assured, it has the makings of a very enjoyable time, and sometimes it’s good to share the enjoyment with our fellow human beings….even if we don’t really like them.

So, ahead of some mutterings about Watch Dogs…Win a copy of Watch Dogs on PC! Yes, that computer thingy you watch naughty things on!

So for the chance to win a code to download the full game of Watch Dogs from Uplay, all you have to do is answer this question as a comment below (you’ll need to register with Disqus of course), the funniest version of which will win:

Who let the Dogs Out?

Answers in by 5pm GMT on Friday 6th June 2014 and the winner will be later announced on Twitter and also on this little old site too for everyone to go and laugh at. In a nice way of course.

Terms and Conditions:

Not many of them, but one entry only, any additional ones, I just don’t look at. Code for download forwarded to the winner directly via email or Twitter IM. Contact information will only used for providing Winner with download code. I still have also no other idea about how to write or come up with decent terms and conditions it appears, but then again the last one I attempted was with Assasin’s Creed 3 and that was last year….so morally speaking, I win.

Back to School

Game over man, game over….

The above image pretty much describes what has been going on in recent weeks, in that I’ve never felt so simple in all my life, and that included the time I learned how to use the toilet properly at the age of 27.

Regretfully, after much had happened in recent times, and with no real sense of purpose aside from wandering the mean streets of London solving crimes with the help of a wise cracking panda named Chaz, I had decided to go back to school in a major way, and begin learning another language. In this case, Spanish.

This stemmed from being convinced that it would open up potential avenues elsewhere and also broaden my horizons, to seek out new life forms etc etc.

At the same time, I had also decided that after 4 years of sleeping, eating and burping, that it was about time I had also looked at taking another exam within the computing industry, to show that I was aware of changes in the Windows operating system which had taken place since 2003. It seems like a good thing to do given that these days, if you don’t keep up with the various trends of Cloudy things, Interfaces which make no sense, and the various renames of things which used to be easier to remember, you are left behind on the IT job scrapheap. Continue reading

I am Biutiful, no matter what you say.

It’s been a huge amount of time since we last had a review of anything on here, except for the last review-ish of the year of course. With a picture of a giant chocolate poo, you can be rest assured it was not going to be anything inspiring.

So it’s actually rather odd, that for getting back into the swing of things, we open up 2014’s further narration into the woes of the world, with some drivel about a Spanish language film, which frankly will leave you feeling like a chronically depressed lemming standing right next to a cliff.

woo1

Now I know what you are thinking;

Where the hell did this come from? We’ve recently been seeing the White House explode, Marvel films take over everything and Frankenstein making a comeback in the same vein that vampire thingy with Kate Bake-sale. Which also had Bill Nighy in it come to think of it. Does he have an obligation to be the evil bad guy in cheap supernatural films?

To give a little bit of history, Biutiful was released a few years ago, and remarkably got shiny shiny nominated for various things. I had began to write the review on the website after watching it one evening in Central London but then got distracted with some keys dangling above my head. Given I’d come back to do a bit more writing, I decided to finish what I started.

Also we can only watch the Avengers a few more times before our eyes bleed while we wait for Guardians of the Galaxy, so here we go. PLOT PLEASE!

The main protagonist is Uxbal (Javier Bardem), who lives in a cr*pped out apartment (or cosy up market apartment if going by London real estate standards these days) in Barcelona with two children, and living in bliss away from their mother, who basically can best be described as off her t*ts, through either boozing or being bipolar. He also has a brother Tito hanging around the place too, and frankly, he is an a**hole at best. Continue reading

Site Issues

Update on 31st April at 13:32; it seems everything has stabilised….which is very odd as nothing has changed since Tuesday. In any case it means you can carry on enjoying the awful comments and insults as usual. Hooray for technology going wrong where we don’t know what happened!

Update at 21:55: Still trying to find what’s changed, now just messing around with the test site and there are differences in performance but also some signs of resource contention.

Sorry campers, but this will not be a quick fix.

Update at 16:05: After faffing around with MySQL backups most of the day, we’re now attempting to get things moved to a different server. If that don’t work….well…..does anyone know how wordpress works? :D

Morning all, just to advise you will probably have noticed that the site has been very slow recently. To the point, it’s almost like we’re back in 1995 using Compuserve to connect via crappy dial-up modems.

We will be performing maintenance during the course of today to try and resolve these problems, so you may see everything just drop off completely. So no big loss there then!

We’ll probably post when things are either better or we’re scratching our heads as to why this just magically started happening. Technology….keeps us employed when it breaks….

Exercise in futility

As some of you may remember from the Procrastination Proclamation way back last year, there were a few remarks on the whole matter of exercise. Well that and getting stuck into Plants vs Zombies while pi**sing away a 3 month notice period.

Now settle down for a little story about what has happened since….

The whole issue for me has been akin to having a little goblin in the room of your mind, a constant companion reminding you that you haven’t moved from the sofa all day, and those sores developing on your back from lack of movement, may in fact be a bad thing. You then mumble “meh”, and go back to sleeping while the drone of crap from Netflix continues to stream away.

Last year, I had attempted to care once again about my health buying actually buying a treadmill via the gift of Amazon, via a third party who sold old equipment etc. After one hard worked Saturday afternoon with both the delivery guy and myself attempting to navigate tiny corridors with a giant heavy box, it then took up residence in the bedroom, where after a few runs, the issues with the machine quickly became apparent. Continue reading