At last it’s Tuesday and do you know what that means?

Erm…..

It’s Tuesday…..

Well that fell flat on its arse. After a brief spell working a lot at work (damn those fools, don’t they realise I’m the lord of Leisure and therefore my sheer presence alone should be enough for a high price salary, Aston Martin DB9 and all the funny tasting coffee I could muster?), I feel it necessary to brighten up your lives with tales of the expected.

You see over the past 48 hours, much has been progressing in the world. People are falling in love, one couple in particular are now engaged and congratulations to Glyn and Kelly, yes I have the Tesco Value Brand toaster on standby ready to be deployed at a moment’s notice, you are getting one and that’s final.

Toasters alongside dinner plate sets and glasses are mandatory gifts you see, and I have always made it clear that I get “dibs” on the one that gives the happy couples the toaster. And take great joy as their happiness turns to fear, just in case anyone else has bought them one….

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The way I feel at the moment, I wish for a day I had no responsibilities, no one wanting my attention, and the only thing to worry about is whether or not I wear pants. The truth be told I still feel run down, having indeed spent a good deal of today for instance at Work diagnosing a server that didn’t want to come back from the dead without a fight. You could almost see the server turning green and then wanting to bite me…

But enough of Resident Evil references, I had enough of that third film the other week when it robbed my of time I will never get back and frankly the fact that I know another film for that pile of crap franchise is coming, the UN should get involved because surely to make people suffer through another 2 hours of that poo which isn’t even fit enough to come from a horse’s rear bumper, surely should be against the Geneva Convention…

And yet I know there are things to do. And I even went as far as being very very rude (and believe me that is being polite about what I did today) to Mum after she asked me yet again to take her to the airport and then one week later pick up both parents. My initial reaction was not designed to encourage further conversation. After all, I must confess the only thing that occurred to me was:

AGAIN?

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Well today has certainly been a mixed bag in terms of fun and frolics. I have been busy playing with things at work, reading on migration of Windows NT to 2003 and also have been called several times in regards to a major system being off which makes people jump. I’m half expecting to have to go in right now so I will keep today’s post ever so brief in bullet points:

The weekend, providing no call-outs from work, should bring some refreshing change: Watching men play “hit me with the chair” aka Wrestling in West Brom. I have never watched something like that in the real world so this will provide a new experience.

I am leaving it there as time is passing away and there are other things afoot this fine evening which require my attention elsewhere. Whatever you are doing, please make sure you are enjoying it. Or them!

Now tonight’s post is a rather unusual one in which I do ponder about one of the most fraught parts of life. Aside, from cleaning the car, deciding what pizza to eat when you have 17,000 varieties to choose from and wondering which hand to use to scratch your sizable arse.

Relationships and why we all lie in them.

Granted that in itself is enough to send people screaming to the hills you see, but the truth is, this time of year, judging by what most people have been saying and doing recently, it appears it’s a tough time for those in love. But why so many at the same time? Is it something to do with the weather? Granted it’s not been brilliant of late but then again this is Britain and therefore this is par the course. We are upset when it’s not raining so hard, you swear Noah’s ark is travelling down the dual carriageway.

I of course could be mistaken, you could be happily moving through life with the man / woman of your dreams and about to do real naughty with them that is illegal in some countries. And there are people out there that are.

But I welcome happy people into this little post simply because at some point, you are going to come to a point where someone gets annoyed about something very small and blame you for it.

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Brain: …So that’s what we need to do.
Paul: Are you sure about that, it appears it will take longer than 5 minutes. You know me and attention spans, something that looks like it will be hard work, you know I will just give in at the first sign of trouble.
Brain: Trust me; it’s your way forward.
Paul: Is that like the “trust me” that landed me with 5000 tins of spam, because you were convinced the world was about to end and we needed food?
Brain: Ok, that didn’t work. But this one is good, there is a plan.
Paul: I love it when a plan comes together. Can I get away with not doing any of the work then?
Brain: No, dammit for the last time, you have to actually do something here.

So this was the conversation with my head the weekend about the evil plans that have been drawn and will be enacted out over the next few months. It suffered some setbacks in the creative process but as with all things, it’s a matter of time. And I need lots of practice in all honesty, it’s been a while since my last attempt at this wonderful feat of humanity, and frankly the first plan is to make a note of everything I know and have experienced. And yes, This cryptic message is more devious than a badly planned game of Sudoku.

And so on this day of Tues, we come back to the blog, all refreshed and revitalised, ready to give our all in the cause of truth, justice and the British way of life. Well some of us do anyway.

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Regretfully it has come to the point where I need to take some time away from writing this amazing piece of English literature called Ooh sometimes. I can see beads of sweat dripping down your brows, the worried looks of wonderment as to why I am running away from this digital modern look onto what life brings us these days, albeit in a strange manner.

It appears that every once in a while, a spark of genius catches light and therefore you become compelled to act upon it. And I am sorry to say, yes, a spark of genius has indeed been sparked in the space still left vacant by my departed brain, shortly after it decided it wanted to have a break from me, and we had grown apart. But today I received a phone call. I was flabbergasted to hear who it was.

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I write too much. This much is certain, it appears that according to some people I tend to chat with about how all things are a load of cock, that I have been writing too many words for blog posts these days and therefore maybe I should sprinkle some pictures in to break it all, so when we have the serious bit, there’s a picture of a cuddly dog for everyone to go arrrrrr over.

Well I hate dogs, so here’s the three pototoes:

Bet you wish you had these, don’t you?

Winning is not enough is the book by Jackie Stewart which documents how he won lots of things. And how he was highly successful at everything from talking about fast things going around like it was all just one big scalextric and then leading a big racing firm to do things which again involved driving around and around again.

And fair play to him. If someone can make a living out of something like that and be successful you cannot begrudge someone who does that. We may sneer and snip at it, but it is a talent never the less. He was in Birmingham today signing his book, I must admit I didn’t stick around for that after the training course I had today, he’s not someone I look up to or am interested in.

Of course one of the best sayings we plucky Brits have come up with in recent years is:

It’s not the winning that’s important. It’s the taking part that counts.

In this day and age where school sports have been reduced to the point where we all are winners despite taking three days to wobble 100 metres, it appears that we are all meant to say well done for practically anything. No-one is better than anyone else and that we are all equal in achievement.

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And so ends the lesson for today.

And on other news, as you may have guessed, today is another Tandoori post where I waffle on for your dining and dancing pleasure. Don’t forget the buffet is now open and Happy Hour is from 8 to 9.

Now of course, Yesterday as I indicated in the last post was a bit of a strange day. Granted it appears every day is a strange day, but this was a different kind of strange-ness if that is a word.

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I will explain all tomorrow as it has been an very very long day today and at 10:48 in the evening with another long day tomorrow, it’s more than likely for the best that I just say, yes good people I will be writing some more excellent material for you to gorge yourselves on like the rabid dogs you are.

OK, granted the quality may vary but I promise you, Monday despite the fact that I have been on Training again in Birmingham after driving part of the night Sunday and yet still awake now after only four hours sleep this morning, it’s been a memorable day indeed. Unless I forget, in which case it hasn’t.