And in the effort to keep up the REM related posts in recent times, last weekend, I went to see the band at Manchester’s cricket ground, the scene of the earlier cricket and later drunken stupor while trying to watch England do something on the field.

Now normally, as you would expect a manly stallion such as the Lord of Leisure, he would have been accompanied by a playboy model, or failing that, a cheap group of prostitutes who are more than happy to be paid by the hour for standing on a field filled with drunk people.

However on this occasion it was not to be, due to laziness (a true sign of being the Lord of Leisure) the decision was made to take someone else along.

Now, we cannot just bring this person on without some grander introduction because this is a person who helped make this all possible. So we’ll steal the top gear introduction: Some say that the big bang was started by a noise coming from her arse, and that she eats Jehovah’s witnesses who dare knock on her door.

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Guess who I stood in a long line for at Waterstones today in the vain effort to say about 10 seconds of drivel and then get escorted out by big burly men who would be more than happy to introduce you to your bottom? OK, that didn’t actually happen…

Yes, it actually is Mr Michael Stipe from R.E.M. and David Balise, the man who has been taking rude pictures of them for over 6 years, and now there is a book full of pictures now out in shops for people to buy if they so choose.

I feel like I’m the man on the moon…

During the bank holiday weekend back in reality as I’m now beginning to equate the London experience with the rest of Britain, the opportunity was taken to watch Hellboy 2: The Golden Retriever.

In a no doubt rush to get some more cash from a franchise born from comic books, The film was released on Wednesday for all to see, laugh cry etc. And why not? As mentioned before on the tome of silliness, there hasn’t been really anything other than the Dark Kite to get excited about at the box office, and of the films to come out, the majority of them have been sequels, perhaps now finally bringing home the bacon of truth, which is that Hollywood has ran out of ideas.

So the reasons for watching Hellboy 2: The cash-in, were that a) the first film was actually rather good. 2) It looked one of the better films out at the current time, considering what else is out there right now and iii) It was a Saturday night. Aside from dancing like someone suffering from Motor Neuron disease, drinking till our eyes bleed or drugging an unsuspecting person to violate, what else can you do at that time?

So there you are. The reasons behind the choice have been laid bare, and just like Get Smart, the expectations for the film were not overly huge, again as a result for a lacklustre summer blockbuster fest.

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I suppose that you could argue that when it comes to the summer blockbusters this year, it’s been about as exciting as listening an accountant talking about the colour grey. Can you name more than 3 films you’ve truly been excited about without being drugged by your supposed best friend and then dragged along so they don’t feel lonely?

So far, we’ve had the knight in dark clothing wooing us all with his magic abilities to talk funny and drive big things really fast, all in the vain attempt to keep us all safe from the dead guy. But aside from that, so far the only other film that even attracted my attention and possibly some other’s as well, was the load of Hancock with big Willy. And we all know how well that turned out don’t we?

So I guess when it came to the new remake of a TV series, Get Smart with Steve Carrot, the guy who actually did a really good film called the 4 year old virgin, which after complaints from parents was turned into the 40 year old virgin, the expectations were at an all time low.

It had won out for viewing against the Mummy goes to Iceland, in which the cast appear simply to try and keep their film careers going, and the other film which you may have had shoved down your throats with bizarre adverts: you don’t get mess all over Zorro with everyone’s favourite shouty man, Adam Sandal.

So after all that, the film just had to show up on the big screen and it was already better than you thought. So with that in mind, as the mind had ceased all other brain function, is it actually worth spending time in the dark to see?

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What the hell do you write if the best you can come up with so far from the week, is waking up, going to work, and then going home? A blog is an ongoing narrative and therefore requires the finest in writing material to keep the people coming back for more and more. Failing that, some lols and writing in txt speak about how everything is s5it.

Never mind, perhaps something will come in my next outrage about something which is in the grand scheme of things of little concern to most people. Like those darned elves or why bread never lasts more than 5 minutes when you blowtorch the thing.

Mind you, I have gotten tired of the homeless people taking one look at my shoes and deciding I have money. If they saw my bank balance, that would say actually, he doesn’t. It’s at the point now, where basically I’ll have start thinking about asking them for a spare 50p.

The only difference truly is, that I go to work to not be homeless, and at least to keep some money coming in so the bank doesn’t cry and then they make me cry. Why don’t they do that?

Bugger me, that sounds heartless. I’ve become a southerner…merde.

Well given a choice, and the sad fact is, that no matter what happens, I still haven’t got a pot to wee in once again, I’m taking the night off tonight from doing nothing, and instead am braving the outdoors of drunk city workers and “happy they got more money, cos they’re greedy b******ds” tube workers, to watch Get Smart, the film which they say is not very funny. Well it was either that or messing myself over Zool or whatever that thing with Adam Saddle is called.

Maybe I should investigate that growth on my elbow while I’m busy at it?

Now it’s rather unusual to remark on this, I know I’ve had this issue for a number of years, but now it’s more accute.

To be fair, I’m a portly gentleman. OK, I’m a chubby f**ker who’s life involves not women, wine and a cigar as most people in this cosmopolitan slab would believe, but mounds of greasy bacon smothered in Angel Delight. We have a working relationship. I buy it in huge quantities, and in return, it lets me stuff it down my arena-sized gob. There’s not much talking, and there are no questions asked.

I’ve been this size for a large amount of time, pardon the pun, and therefore have been used to knowing which shops tend to stock items which fit, for example, the NEXT chain of stores in the UK are great for tops of all shapes and sizes. But if I were to try and fit into their range of trousers and jeans, I would cut off circulation to the man-sacks and proceed to walk funny.

However, it appears that either I have grown a full 20 inches around the waistline, or the sizes of clothes in the capital seem to favour those with less meat on them than a chicken nugget.

The same size shirt, which I bought up north, same collar size of 17 inches etc, of which still fits me today, I wear it often without any trouble, and when trying on another shirt at the store, I was a spitting image of the Fatboy Slim Album cover with the big man/small t-shirt motif on the front. It was unbelievable what had occurred in the space of 20 seconds. It was as if my stomach had been exposed to gamma radiation and then got very angry.

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And in time honoured tradition, it’s been a few days since the release of the last podcast featuring another game review of dubious quality, and like the sun rising and setting every day, the text of said review is posted for your vomiting eyes to over eat.

Episode 4′s review focused on EA’s Mass Effect.

Well I say EA’s Mass Effect, it’s from Bioware who were swallowed up by the mammoth Electronic Arts evil games corporation in an attempt to bolster its gaming catalogue and creation of original game franchises. Bioware have made quite a number of Role-Playing games in the time it’s been around. We may remember Knights of the Old Republic, Neverwinter Nights and the ever popular with those suffering from various skin diseases, Baldur’s Gate.

All have been received with good reviews, and now moderately fresh out of the factory on PC, with the Xbox 60p version being released being released last year in yet another great decision to release things far later on PC.

First off this game features SEX! There’s a bit of naughty in the game, and it caused such hoopla in yankland, the land of the free and depressed. Fox News, those lovable rogues of the news world, who can find tragedy and outrage in someone not saying please., they brought out their news casters, and even had some fella from EA on just to accuse him of lying and that EA was responsible for 9/11 and probably World War 2. Who knew Hitler worked for EA?

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Some people would say that to meet a person who has been on television is actually quite a difficult thing to do. You would have to go through a legion of PR people to only find out that because you are little Jimmy from no.47 and not the Queen, that obtaining an audience is most difficult.

Actually, it’s easier than you think. If you want to go spotting for people with a wee bit more money, just go to Soho Square.

I know what you are thinking. Soho, is the seedy place for going for “relaxation” and other colourful phrases which basically mean the same thing: You’re after a guaranteed bonk.

But instead of being a place where you would expect to find naughty dirty kinky sexy shops and other fellow humans aiming for your heart and body parts beyond, you will find a tight collection of well known companies such as Tiger Aspect Productions and 20th Century Fox. The FA are there are well, though being frank, the only thought that came into my mind is “shame it’s not on fire with them all in there…”

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Some of you have mentioned the site was running slow which was jolly helpful. Servage have worked their magic due to a bit of an issue on the database side of things and at the moment all is well. Ta very much!

Also it appears some addtional work needs to be done on the site, as in upgrading the backend php pages, some other parts have become, shall we say, not enitirely working. Grrrr!

A lazy man’s work is never done.

EDIT: Sorted out the issues I had earlier, which is great until something else goes wrong!

Epsiode 4: A Living Hell Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

After a long time away from the Audio world, we come back with some questions: Will London make you cry? Does it make me cry? And how can you survive one of the most perilous tasks in today’s world? Find out in a special hour long episode!

As usual you can subscribe to the show via the feed URL: http://www.oohsometimes.com/podcasts/feed.xml which you place carefully into your program of choice such as the free programs Juice or Doppler.

You also have the choice of searching the iTunes store, searching using either Paul Hughes, or Ooh Sometimes and subscribing using the software.

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