The wonders of the internet never fail to bring both joy and confusion to so many at the same time, and this particular trip down You-Tube lane cannot be a finer example.

You see, it appears that some strange individuals roaming the countryside of this far nation of ours, while asking for 40p for a cup of tea, have taken it upon themselves to create a new spin on a modern classical music genre, known as the hip-hop.

Hip-Hop of course as we all know originated from William Shatner, who while in-between Star Trek movies and filming episodes of the multi-award winning show that brought us world peace and cake for everyone; TJ Hooker, decided he was the real slim shady all those years ago and brought us singing via speaking.

Along came some more people who were unhappy at which the speed the Shatner shat out his lyrics and proceeded to speed it all up and then make it all rhyme in a jolly nice fashion. Thus the modern day hip-hop was born.

But it was all sang by people who saw fit to wear trousers that didn’t cover their underpants and hats at slightly jaunty angles, so to address the balance, some blokes in Britain decided to get out their banjos and sing about cricket, tea and everything that David Cameron loves; Chap-Hop was born, and here is an example of the art in action…
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Since the dawn of film-time, aliens have really only been viewed in three situations, first ET as a lovable turd in the film ET who while wandering round the place made a boy ill somehow, dressed up as Mother Teresa while being sat in a bicycle basket, then proceeds to piss off home leaving the family he stayed with a huge phone bill.

The second would be as most aliens on Star Trek, Star Wars and anything else with Star in the bloody title, where they are basically humans with bits of plastic sellotaped to their heads. They laugh, they learn, and they do naughty using their knees or whatever. We love them.

The third lot of alien-funkiness seem to be the kind where aliens are hell bent on destroying human kind by any means possible. More often than not, it’s never made clear why, aside from the fact that Hollywood thinks it makes for great film.

For all we know, It’s like the aliens were just sitting on their sofa, bored with what was on ITV 3, and then started to have a chat over a cup of earl grey about what to do with themselves for the afternoon. Someone suggests to go shoe shopping then another suggests “Hey let’s go to Earth and destroy the humans. I hear it’s fun this time of year and we can stop by Mars for pancakes!” Everyone cheers at this and then heads over to Earth for genocide and Doritos.

Skyline is the latest in a long line of firms of the third kind. Whoopee, can we guess what happens?
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It’s all very well some ill-informed nutter writing about zombies and vampires, using 5 minutes worth of research obtained from the internet. After all anyone can do it. Ask me how.

But any writer of worth and low self-esteem knows that every once in a while, you must lay down the keyboard and allow an expert on the subject at hand to sweep through the filth and lies you managed to weave and lead the readers down a less soggy path to enlightenment.

Given his recent experiences, I could think of no-one finer to consult than Ben Muir aka Dr. Dale, one of the evil geniuses behind “How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse” who along with David Ash, Jessica Napthine & Lee Cooper, has entertained literally people up and down the country.

Given that the show was a huge success, again illustrating the changing trends of the public towards such subjects, Ben was a perfect choice to ask the question of why zombies have made it to the big time right now;

Not surprisingly, this is a question that comes up all the time when we’re being interviewed regards the show and our interest in zombies – and thankfully, earlier this year we met a University Professor who actually answered the question in a very scientific way so that we always sound rather intelligent when we answer it! (Although now I’ve given away the fact that someone else told us – it makes us sound less so…. But anyway – this is his explanation) Read the rest of this entry »

Ok, normally at this time, we focus on something that’s happening in the news, but given that the news was rife with useless information all about the Royal Wedding, in which another unholy tale of rich people laughing at everyone unfolds before our tired battered eyes, and there is bad weather in Cornwall which comes as a complete surprise to dead people given the time of year, let’s focus on something that is rather strange in our culture.

Zombies and Vampires, there’s something that we can all relate to.

The two sets of creatures you wouldn’t see opening rival ice cream parlours next to each other for a bit of friendly competition. For years, various graphic novels, horror films and bad adverts for trains have been the only places you’ve seen them, with the films normally being stuck on the end of BBC 2’s Saturday night schedules after a 12 hour marathon of Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook.

For some reason though in recent years, they have enjoyed a kind of success only the zombie Jesus Christ could ever dream of (He died and rose from the dead, that counts as being a zombie, no matter what the pope says). But while one set of creatures have been adopted for mainstream success providing a different array of entertainment, the other has got their trousers stuck on a stick and can’t move anywhere. Read the rest of this entry »

Something that has been most upon my mind in recent times, along with why nothing else gets to 88 miles an hour and travels through time yet. Why are a lot of things marketed for two?

You wouldn’t be so sure just on the casual glancing about this fair old place of ours, but consider the following;

Food is a prime example to begin with, considering that people passing by have mistaken me for Jabba the hutt before now. Wander into any supermarket of your choice and you will find a myriad of meals in ready form, and while some appear to have been pushed down a tube in a slightly presentable manner, on the whole, they resemble the contents of an autopsy.

The value ranges are often the best example of this ranging from Spaghetti with severed arm to the ever popular chilli con canary, however given that the contents inside are worth about 4p, it’s amazing that no-one has mutated to form a toxic crusade against Tesco’s Chicken pasta bake.

The portion sizes are basically laughable as well, when you look at what is the typical meal for one, it’s barely enough to digest without leaving you hungry for more.
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Once again, people are using their free time to provide their wonderful insights on some overacted, oversexed, and possibly mind numbing edition of another reality TV show that will no doubt be debated in Prime Minister’s questions, where Nick Clegg will apologise for just turning up.

Some, it appears are watching the show while updating using the Apple Maxipad, which as we all know was torn out from Steve job’s underpants to be disposed into the dustbin of public consumption some time ago now, and has made it’s way into some people’s lives like constipation after a particularly bad curry.

Commenting on television programmes at the same time as airing is not a new thing, indeed given the various platforms that are available for us to abuse at this stage of the game, it’s never been easier to say things that people care little about. It’s become the new “water cooler” where people bored of banging their heads against keyboards and each other in the office, go to a room and talk about things they have seen.

But given that some people are in their homes, using new fangled contraptions for the worthwhile purpose of caring what some talentless bint says about other talentless bints on something which could only be made watchable if the entire set was doused with petrol and set on fire, is this basically the best thing we do with ourselves?

Also if you sat back on the sofa while the TV flickers on the programme of despair, you’re also probably just looking at web pages about cats yawning or writing an email to your partner next to you to complain that the bins haven’t been emptied in 6 years and it’s starting to smell the place up a bit.
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During the course of last week, the US people went to vote for various people to sit in big buildings and do stuff on behalf of them, or get embroiled in various scandals, you can never be sure as an outsider looking at it all.

This series of events is known as the “midterm elections”, not only as it falls within 2 years of the President being elected to the Office starring Ricky Gervais, but it also allows people to demonstrate their approval or disdain for the administration’s record to date.

It reached number three in the charts. (Cue drum roll and groans)

Across America, the Republican party, now fully removed from the likes of Karl Rove (or the emperor from Star Wars) and Mr. Bush jr. who apparently has been speaking recently to promote his new colouring book about the time he said the Iraqis were all pussies and decided to go after them or something, seems to have retaken part of the hill where the important buildings stand in Washington, the House of Representatives, which apparently is a delightful three bedroom terrace with on-suite bathrooms.

They also stole a number of Senate seats, which the police are currently investigating because no matter what the price of furniture is risen to given the current economic climate, that’s no excuse for stealing.
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All around the world, various individuals were queuing for what has become a yearly event.

The release of the “let me have it now or your dog dies” sequel to the biggest selling video game in history (Yes, it even beat “Ye olde pong” from 1673) has brought pleasure to literally people. Some people even queued to ensure they got it at midnight, forgetting real concerns such as food, shelter and who is going put that man on fire out?

Hot on the rotting corpse that I have no doubt the previous release will be discarded as, Call of Duty African-American Ops (we’re not racist) will provide a new platform in which 7 year old underpants burners complain about being eliminated, progressing onto making sexual remarks about the opponents’ mothers and then after 3 minutes of getting bored, purchase new and exciting maps for above market rate pricing. The circle of gaming life.

Special events were held in cities across the globe to mark the release.

However it must be stated that the special events were not held for the aforementioned Call of Duty: African-American Ops (we’re not racy-ist), oh no. We must put that aside for the moment, for something far more earth shattering has come to our attention. Something so special, so magnificent in stature, it will change the way we play modern games forever.

With wide-eyed gazes, and a skip in our step, we present to you what is quite possibly, the greatest game ever.
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A while ago in the news, the pension age in the UK was announced to be raised to 66 for all from the year 2020.

This caused uproar from butchers, bakers and ladies of ill repute, mainly due to the fact that when they got older, people couldn’t have a sit-down and then spend the rest of their days cleaning their house, looking though windows at anything that moves and unable to perform bowel movements of any kind unless they eat a year’s worth of prunes in a single hour.

People will instead by allowed to continue falling asleep at their desks, staring out of the window bored and mutter about the state of the world a year longer, pretty much the same as what most people do now.

However it seems that getting old is not as bad as it used to be, if we are to believe what happens in the recent release at the picture houses, RED

We begin with Bruce “Die already for f**k’s sake, why for the love of god can no-one kill me in anything?” Willis, playing Frank Moses, who at first appears to be just an old guy bored with his lot, who seems to continue to rip up his pension checks just so he has an excuse to get free sex talk time with a woman in US social services. Why he just doesn’t pay for it like we all do, no-one knows.
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Just a quick note, that it seems there were a few things missing from the site that people wanted, such as an easy RSS feed for posts, different links for posts which were easier to read, and also the little thing about one post taking up so much space, that to scroll through it all would rob you of your very life blood.

To that end, The Blog RSS feed has a link above the podcast link, the link structure has now been changed, and if you don’t like the post, you don’t have to read the whole lot now, but if you do, there is the cunningly titled “Read the rest of this entry….” link for most of the posts.

You know, we spoil you.