And so we come to the final hurdle of the epic drivel about New York, oh the excitement is building to point of you doing naughty on the floor. I can tell.

The entertainment to be had in NYC also varies widely depending on what you’re looking for, but most of it will cost you a fair bit of cash. The two examples I was presented with, and present to you for your consideration, was a stand-up comedy night and a Broadway show.

The stand-up comedy left a lot to be desired if the Ha! club was anything to go by, it’s also the point that the HA! name may actually be ironic. You see, you’re led down to a basement where you are told that after paying for the entrance fee, you are then told you must buy two drinks as a minimum where everything is $10 each. Wonderful, I’m laughing already.

You then get three people on from the local area, whose most impressive lines include “Anyone here from South Carolina?” at which point someone says yes, and He responds “Oh Man!” That’s the joke. Yep. That’s it.

Although at some point one of them asked if anyone was bothered about the Royal Wedding (yes it was talked about all that time ago in March) and out of boredom, I said no, as I was in the front row. I then went on to explain clearly why I didn’t care, and also proceeded to then question how bored the Americans were to be looking at this sort thing, at which point there were more cheers from the audience than during his set. Curious, but there you are.

So basically it was a huge let-down and if you go to the HA! Comedy Club, find the exit instead. You’ll have a better laugh vomiting on a hobo. Read the rest of this entry »

As promised since the dawn of time or since the pointless message post, the third and not final long-winded part of what New York brings will now illuminate the internet after the joys of the Royal wedding yesterday. After the inspiring / painful look into American television the last time, it’s about time we returned to the streets of New York to examine further the people and the environment at which people roam around their daily lives.

But first we return to the weekend’s events where it seems that after finishing work, various people like to take to the streets to say buy this dodgy CD or indeed that the world is ending.

It’s not often you get told the exact date the world is going to end, but luckily while in Times Square, that’s precisely what happened with various people wearing sandwich boards telling us that come May 21st, the world ends and we go and say hello to the big fella upstairs and ask if we can come in for tea and biscuits. You heard it here first.

One thing that seems to be very good is that the Americans will go out to protest over practically anything too, as the Sunday brought up a protest about Muslims being questioned as the Homeland Security Committee was launching a wide-reaching investigation of American Muslims. Yep, they are terrorists and they need to be crushed or whatever. But across town at the same time people gathered in Times Square to protest the treatment of one section of society, there were another group coming out for the treatment of this section of society. See, it’s all equal…..err…. Read the rest of this entry »

Each step has been rehearsed, each flower meticulously arranged, the aisles transformed into a flowering green avenue of trees.

Yes tomorrow will be a great day for people staying in bed and sleeping while the royal wedding takes place in central London, to literally people who have been camped out since last year for a chance to see Prince William and Princess-when-she-gets-hitched Kate ride past.

Yet as the wonderful day comes, at which the vast majority of Brits are simply planning what to do with their day off away from the hoopla, it seems others have other plans to ensure that the event is the spectacle the state hopes it will be, certainly from a financial view, but also one where people forget about naughty that’s currently going on. It also has reminded us that we have a flag, which is also nice not to be seen on fire in Middle eastern countries or being used as makeshift nappies, but just hanging up about the place which makes it all look pretty.

This has come at a massive cost to all, with over 5000 police officers on patrol to try put down any attempts for people to break helpless phone boxes like what happened it seems with every protest in recent history (bast*rd phone boxes, how dare they allow you to make phone calls at a reasonable price!?!), and also it seems every light fitting, bookshelf and oyster card within London have been checked to see if there are bombs in them. People themselves have been stopped for cavity searches to see if they have a digital timer stuck up their naughty bits. Nick Clegg probably will have been sent to Poland to ensure he doesn’t cause any problems too.
Read the rest of this entry »

On May 6th, the British public, after gorging themselves silly on the jolly good times that is to come from the forthcoming Royal Wedding at which point it seems nothing else will ever come close to matching in terms of joy if the media is to be believed, will be asked whether they want to replace the existing first-past-the-post system for electing various drunk old farts with money problems or as three people still know them as: Members of Parliament to Westminster with a method known as the alternative vote (which apparently is AV for short, wonderful what things we can come up with these days).

Basically the current voting system some people aren’t happy with due to the election result of last year and they want to see if anyone else actually gives a crap in the same fashion to get it changed. It was agreed that this would take place under the Pirates of the Collation agreement so it was going to happen regardless.

But it seems that generally the vast majority couldn’t give a rats’ ass and are more concerned with what woman from that Essex show they are going to hate the most. Which is why over the past couple of days, more and more literature has been dropping through the post; Read the rest of this entry »

We apologise for the interrupt to your oohsometimes service, it seems that without jokes overly laboured about things no-one cares about, the world has become a far more sinister place. Even the US government only averted a recent shut-down with mere minutes to spare, though it was not over budgets, but secretly they were in talks with the Lord of Leisure over why he hasn’t opened mocked Black Swan and why Natalie Pregman is in every film at the moment.

We feel your pain.

Hence here is a brief look at what will be upcoming over the next couple of weeks, just in case you thought there was nothing to look forward to;
Read the rest of this entry »

Nerf.

Not a choice, but a state of mind.

And that state of mind is disturbed, but not for the reason of heavily self-medicating. No, good friends/enemies, That state of mind is disturbed by all the violence currently occurring in the world. What is more disturbing is that we cannot join in with the violence in a family friendly way.

There is talk currently of arming the Libyan rebels to aid them in their fight against Madame Tussauds dummy Col. Gaddafi. But we’re in a recession and the rebels haven’t started selling their oil yet to get real weapons second hand off Ebay. So given these factors, what better way of the rebels of being armed on the cheap, than with a Nerf Nstrike Raider Rapid Fire CS-35 with 35 dart drum and a Nstrike Recon CS-6 with a little red light bulb. Read the rest of this entry »

The world of social networking is pretty much like experimental pile surgery; it’s painful, doesn’t always work and you end up crying afterwards. But more and more we have become addicted to it and perhaps for all the wrong reasons. Facebook is now one of the most evil ways to murder your brain.

It’s incredibly easy to forget about keeping up relationships and then as long as you send people you used to know occasional videos from Youtube with a cat that yawns while making pottery, then you were cool and then you went to play Farmville for 72 hours, realising you forgot to feed the family for the third day in a row and they lie dead at the kitchen table. I know, it’s happened to all of us, easy mistake to make.

People now have thousands of friends as a result, mainly just to writing the most dull of status updates like “Woke up and my kidneys are missing, lol!”, “I think that show was good/bad depending on popular opinion” and “OMG, I’m/He’s/The Dog’s/My left foot’s pregnant”. It’s a shame, given the ways social networking has to ensure that your HR department calls you in when one status update goes too far.

As you may or may not be aware, recently my news sense was sent tingling into overdrive, with a number of examples where the silly mundane little posts containing swear words and crude jokes without context was dropped in favour of informing you good people as to what is going on in the world and providing an opinion based on very little knowledge like all news outlets, but maintaining the fine tradition of Ooh Sometimes by swearing and making crude jokes without context. Read the rest of this entry »