Well done, you’ve reached level 2012, the one where it has that boss that floats around stealing our hard earned tax dollars, remember to use the cheat code to unlock the phone hacking ability to use to gather evidence of his Swiss bank account and you win!

It still baffles the mind what the actual reason is for going out to places on New Year’s, other than the fact that you get the next day off and therefore can nurse that hangover you picked up along with a mysterious stranger with breath that could melt a diamond.

And after you’ve cleared away the debris, sat down in the kitchen and eaten two pigs worth of dirty meat to feel somewhat human once more, the grim reality of everything being pretty much the same, except for the lack of any booze left in the house and the instant desire to make all new promises about everything only to fail about three minutes later.

So Happy new year, and actually in a slight twist to the normal new year’s post from Ooh Sometimes in which we drag out the same stereotypes over and over again as what the new year will bring for all, let’s take the opportunity to write some slightly more constructive and nudge our collective memories as we bid farewell to the year that was 2011 and see how much better or worse 2012 could possibly be as a result; Read the rest of this entry »

Seasons greetings to you all! It’s the 25th of December and that means a festive Ooh Sometimes message to be displayed to those who finished all the mince pies, burnt the Christmas dinner and thought those crotchless hot pants they gave to Grandma was a good idea, especially when she came back to show everyone what they looked like on her.

As what should kind of go without saying yet you can’t really get away with it, Merry Christmas to everyone whether they like it or not today, and indeed instead of wishing cheer and peace to all mankind, let’s just remember what it’s all about; spending time with people you go elsewhere to get away from and being disappointed to once again receive that novelty item that everyone thought you’d love but instead would rather choke the dog with.

During the festive period of tolerance to all, the Lord of Leisure will be in residence away from (insert weather condition here) London, more than likely right now I’ll be sharing the sheer joy found on my father’s face over the breast implants voucher he now has to use and the belt sander that mum will use clean the car with.

Ok, let’s just pause for a moment as if you happen to be reading the text within this blog post straight (we’re not sexualist, if that is even a term), you’d be forgiven that the writer of this piece would be about to commit suicide by tinsel. Rest assured that is not the case, it’s just a slightly harder time of year that one would care to admit. Read the rest of this entry »

All around the world various people have been posting comments and thoughts about the “Bono” of North Korea that is Kim Jong-il, the man who made grey jumpsuits sexy, had a golf handicap which made Tiger Woods change his name to Kitty Twig, and whose love for films forced him to kidnap people, was a bit too ill and died.

Although the main bulk of the comments have all been from Team America, which lets be fair, probably never made it onto his top 10 (it was the heartless portrayal of Matt Damon which apparently was the problem).

Today, North Korean state media, which in terms of accurate, unbiased reporting has come second next to Fox News, have been reporting pledges of loyalty to new leader Kim Jong-un after the death of his father.

The body of Kim Jong-il is lying in a right state….sorry that should have read “in state” in the capital Pyongyang as the public mourning continues in various streets, shops, cars, swimming pools and halls.

Even the state news anchor charged with breaking the news to the overly concerned masses was a shower of tears, if only because there was a gun pointed at her head just slightly off screen, again following in Fox News’ footsteps.

Though of course this is a tragic time for someone probably, there is an upside to all this. Given the sheer amount of liquid spilled over this news by every carbon based lifeform that happened to be in North Korea where there was cameras, surely we could put that to good use and then then airlift it all to Africa to solve the current drought crisis?

Or indeed use the tears to drown millions of puppies, whichever will honour the memory of Great Leader the more. Read the rest of this entry »

Given that it’s been at least 6 months since anything meaningful arrived here, one might forgive you if you used Ooh Sometimes as your number one news source, in which case you probably had the idea that London was still burning down in full riot mode, which as it’s coming up to the festive period, would have meant that this time of year would have been a better time as there would have more things to select from your local TV shop than there was in the summer. After all they normally save their best stuff for Christmas.

So at long last it was time to deck the halls with bits of rubbish found in the nearby bins, prepare Grandma for a good stuffing and once again run around trying to get things for people we cannot stand, with money we simply do not have. Merry Christmas indeed. Bah, humbug and other words that Charles Dickens would care to throw out.

In last year’s warning over the forthcoming festive season, it was commented that in general, people’s attitudes seem to have altered in comparison to years gone by, not that I’m an expert in reading human behaviour. There was a great restraint on people mentioning the whole “New Year, New Start” phenomenon which was so popular the year before, which borderline drove me insane, therefore reaching out for some stranger in the street’s throat, screaming “Why wait for next year to do something when you could try and do something about it now….hello officer, didn’t see you there.”

Of course, we were still in the mix of financial cuts that many faced, be it individuals or businesses, and as a result, it seemed to be getting back to basics for a large part of it, in turn somehow making Christmas something more special than getting a few days off to eat, drink and p*ss our misery away while moaning about getting a book about road signs and a watch that tells you that you need to buy another watch.

This year, what actually has changed? Read the rest of this entry »