After an extended period of staying in, the cold chilling to the bone and parts beyond, The Lord of Leisure sits with his banjo, a cup of tea and a copy of the Angling Times, simply because the local polar bears up the street are hosting a dinner party and don’t wish to be seen with the riff-raff as they put it. Being a Lord of Leisure isn’t enough it seems…

Due to complications with the digestion system, the Lord did not make a public appearance in Manchester, with all the fans who were waiting, all disappointed. Or maybe 3 people, whichever sounds better. It was a great shame, and will have to be made up at some point, maybe with the give away of a keyring. Do people want key rings these days?

And now to stop referring to myself in the third person for the rest of the post, to the clan of Manchester, (Glyn, Kelly and the birthday lady, Christine with countless others) I will make it up there again now that the trouble seems to have subsided for the moment. But for how long? (cue music of doom with woman from the 50’s screaming)

During this weekend period of drinking vast quantities of drugs, more viewings of Flight of the Conchords occurred, along with updating the website to run on the newer version of Wordpress, so there may be improvements to be seen as a result in terms of speed but other than that, the website looks the same and functions the same.

And a rather strange twist of naughty happened early Sunday, the result of which shall be revealed in a few days time with either an array of fireworks and a parade, or another blog post.

Trust me, I still have no idea what the result of the experiment will sound like as a finished product, but considering what transpired in terms of conversation, some of which did insult rather badly and others well, frankly were very bizzare, it shall be interesting as what made the final cut, shall we say. oh the tension’s so high, you could bottle it! Check back here on Wednesday for what it was, that is if it wasn’t so bad, it makes you weep gumdrop tears and and the children ask “Why did Scruffles go away?”

I have no idea what animal Scruffles is, just put in the animal of your choice like a cat, giraffe or Jeff Goldblum.

Today has been rather a mixed bag of results which on the one hand is a cause of celebration but on the other, you feel the lights are about to go out on the Titanic. Regretfully due to the nature of the results, I cannot reveal details on the bad except for the fact I have learned that I need to shut up and just nod and agree to everything like the dog from the Churchill adverts to make the current state of life easier, but on the plus side, I did get a pay rise. No matter what, you have to say that’s a bonus.

On a further sad note, a good friend, Mr Bridgewater was let go from his line of work for some….reason. No-one really knows why, but whatever happens sir, despite the fact you are ginger, all the best and keep in touch.

REM’s new album was out today, and it should be winging it’s way to the letterbox shortly, despite the fact it’s only 35 minutes long, judging from what was posted on the interweb for all to have tunes of unquestionable prowess to listen to, it’s an album actually worth the money for once.

There would be some comments about some of the real news that’s happening in the world, it’s still all rather bad, and by the looks of things, if you were to just concentrate on the news, it’s all getting worse yet again. Seems to be, it’s better to go back to the Arctic tundra for another few weeks, wrestling bears for fish seems to be easier somehow.

After a restful night, with the wind howling outside, and the penguins getting annoyed after losing yet another hand of poker,  it appears that the slight worry was indeed all for nothing. Turns out it was just really bad indigestion. And yet if you’re going through it, you cannot help but think treachery was afoot. In any case, the need to keep taking the vast quantities of digestive wonder drugs is still very much present,  to make sure all is well.

The Arctic tundra today is still, with only a mild snowstorm and -26 temperature to contend with. While the lapse in  the blizzard is here, the lord will boldly venture out and enjoy the frosty morn before settling down with a good book later on. Rest today, for who knows what tomorrow brings.

In-between a course of chilli and jelly babies from the food supply drops from the UN while I struggled on creating the product which would destroy all of mankind, something became wrong. Pain was becoming apparent around the chest area, and the world became uneven. Had the arctic tundra finally began to take its toll on the Lord of Leisure? Will a man unexpectedly bust into flames to emphasise the horror that has begun? Will we use a cheap gimmick like a snapshot from Alien?

I have no idea why this is suddenly began, one would point to my silly lifestyle of eating, not moving much and spending all the time in front of the magic box with the questionable amounts of illegal dirty movies. However, one other did remark that it could be stress, the lack of sleep, there are many factors which exhibit themselves on the body as a sign that it needs urgent attention.

Thanks to an overdose of Tums with a liberal helping of Milk of Magnus Magnusson from Mastermind, it appears the pain has been subsided for the moment, but either way a trip to see Doc Brown to either sort the problem or travel to 1885 is likely to be on the cards.

The fact that it’s lasted longer than 24 hours has bothered me a great deal, as much as chest pain does tend to bother you if you’re trying to masticate, or write complete rubbish for the masses. Perhaps my laddish lifestyle of chatting up nice ladies from coffee shops or laughing at the welsh has been catching up with me, and I need to actually give a damn about what happens. If that’s the case at the age of 25, then it’s a major cause of concern. Major.

But given the fact it’s not been as bad with the silly amounts of antacids, it appears to be gas. Somehow I always manage to work wind into everything I do….

So as an excuse to not do anything (yes, aren’t I a man of action) this evening I took upon myself to defrost the DVD player and watch some of the little known HBO comedy Flight of the Concords.

It is without a doubt a strange, musical and funny affair covering only a few episodes so far, though I dare say a second series will venture forth soon, unless the excellent people who work at the studios decide to experiment with each other as they release life is short therefore forgetting to commission a new series.

Two New Zealanders reside in New York, trying to hit it big as a band while struggling with American Life. They fall in and out of girl trouble, mainly because Jermaine hangs around a bit too much and when they do get girls, it appears they are missing the ever so important manual on what to do next. Bra….What is this thing you call “Bra”? And yet strangely they do sing an awful lot about sexy ladies….tis an enigma wrapped in a mystery.

Their manager works at the NZ consulate, using what time there to have useless band meetings and seems to have the complete inability to book gigs. And they have one fan.

This is the equivalent of one person clapping after you perform on stage in front of 20,000 people.

Unfortunately she seems to be rather obsessed with the two chaps. Perhaps to the point of doing naughty but one can never say. I guess the best comparison I can make is that it appears to share roots with the Mighty Boosh, yet both are different beasts.

If you have the time to watch it, in-between bursts of pain inflicted by either your significant other or an alien wanting to escape your rib cage, please do.

I’ve also taken some time to listen to the radio and catch up with some people around the globe. I was even happy to see that Matt Seymour, the travelling fraggle was still alive and well in Australia. Which means I owe some money for losing that bet….. Only kidding mate! The best thing to read that lady trouble is afoot there, and he is still enjoying himself. Fair play to you sir.

Perhaps as things have progressed well, the weekend should be a return to normality and forget about any degree work what so ever.

We’ll see how it goes.

This really funny picture was nicked from here: Found S**t

The Lord of Leisure’s Arctic adventure is drawing closer to the end that people’s across the land so much seek. As more work nears it’s completion, a new sense of hope of forming, beside the waste pile owing to not having correct flushing facilities in such a wilderness. Yet in such a dense place of snow and yetis, still the thought of wanting Ice cream entered the Lord’s head more than once. How odd….must be ice madness, that well known dementia that settles in when the mind gets numb from…..ice. That sounds reasonable…. maybe.

On a more negative note, it does still mean that Ooh Sometimes won’t get as many updates as I would like to do. I still really want to do that piece about how the podcast is created and get those galleries up and running. I also wanted to contribute more material to Gamers with Jobs and re-work some of the material I’ve already submitted.

But take heart, as I type this message using some frozen carrots and an owl, there are only 9 weeks left for the degree which once compete, means normal service semi-resumes, after a trip to the emergency room to have my stomach pumped and my arm mended, after a hearty scrap involving a group of midgets.

I do now appreciate that the podcast wasn’t the best in the world either, but I just didn’t want to give yet another 7 minute podcast telling you there was no podcast yet again so there it is. Not everyone is a complete gem and In fact there are only two podcasts which I can recall being any good, but hey ho.

But to those who have emailed in, thank you for the little tokens of joy coupled with the suggestions that I need those blue pills as well. Of course if you do anything to ask, say or do, please email in to podcast@oohsometimes.com and you shall receive such a golden response that you will want to show it to random strangers just to say that you spoke to the Lord of Leisure!

In fact It would be nice if anyone had any suggestions as to what they want to hear from me, and I will endeavour to include it at some point, as long as it doesn’t involve making polar bears dance for money. I get enough of those already at the local bar. No longer do I have to wonder where the polar bears from the Christmas Coca Cola adverts go during the off season….

So what’s been happening you may ask; well I did meet the loveable rogues, Chris and Dave from “Sunny Wales” for a wander around a golf course, eat some jacket potatoes and then proceed to Dave’s new functional “Babe Lair” to what he had managed to grab hold of, and we bumped into Tony, Dave’s roomy (if that’s the spelling)

We proceeded to watch some of the most bizzare adult cartoon it has ever been my fortune to see. A film from 1981, I forget what it was called but if all the cartoon women were like what they were on that fair toon, then the world would be a slightly better place and maybe there would be no more wars, as everybody would be too busy practising producing babies. Yes, it was that type of cartoon. Except there was a green ball which wanted to destroy everything, which was nice.

After running away screaming with pain, the rest of time was spent indoors with Mum and Dad, typing away on the dull work again, dropped it at certain points to play more of Bioshock for some reason, perhaps to break the boredom. Monday was a good day as we were celebrating my Aunty Bett’s birthday as she is 81. HOORAY!!

The plan for the rest of the week is to turn up to work, do as little as possible for two days and have another long weekend of working and celebrating another birthday in Manchester. Beyond that, it is purely anyone’s guess.

And as a final message before signing off…. to the assassin currently at home with her mum, sorting out her exhibition with other matters, remember there are people here in Blightly thinking of you.

That is all, until next time which will more than likely be this coming Friday unless something bad happens, take it easy out there!

 

 Episode 2: Be Happy and Sell Out [36:57m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Yeah, we’re back baby with more complete waffle, some great music and a daring attempt to uplift people because it appears so many people have been so upset about everything.

I’ve edited the podcast since it’s release so it sounds slightly better and more normalised, but hopefully after May, things will improve greatly.

As usual you can subscribe to the show via the feed URL: http://www.oohsometimes.com/podcasts/feed.xml which you place carefully into your program of choice such as the free programs Juice or Doppler.

You also have the choice of searching the iTunes store, searching using either Paul Hughes, or Ooh Sometimes and subscribing using the software.

If you like what you hear or you don’t then please let us know at: podcast@oohsometimes.com and we’ll respond at some point.

Music:
Tukazon – The Alphabet Song
The Sumo Sisters – Everyday with You

Credits:
Paul Hughes – hangs his head still after all this time. He needs to get out more:(
S.L. Slaughter – Mr. Voice Over Man

Background Music used was by Kevin McLeod (Kevin’s Website), CJacks from podsafeaudio and Williamson from Magnatune. The title music was by Seismic Anomaly who also feature at Magnatune. Some SFX have been used from The Freesound Project. Excerpts from the Bioshock Soundtrack Copyright 2K Boston 2007, and has been used for the Bioshock Review. Excerpt of Handel’s Messiah was taken from Wikipedia and used under the same license conditions.

This
work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License.

Despite the lumbering and erotic advances from the yetis of Tokalow for dinner and a movie, Paul has remained stead-fast in the wilderness of the Arctic tundra, ploughing his way through endless screenshots of a system that will never see the light of day and destroying yet another batch of pot noodles to keep the spirits and also the local Sainsburys supermarket alive. Paul has also got confused as to why most of the writing recently has referred to himself in the third person.

However the weekend did offer a respite from the dullness, as three hardened travellers made their merry way down to the lordly manor house,Glyn, Kelly and G’s Mummy. It was scary in some respects as not many people visit the hallowed grounds of the Lord of Leisure, and thus the handsome but portly gentleman didn’t have a clue as to how to entertain. Generally what tends to happen these days is that for the first hour or so, it’s all chatting away, and then afterwards you resort to talking about the weatherfor about 5 minutes after which all the tricks are used up, what can do you do?

But as a taster of the local Shropshire cuisine, we meandered and dilly-dallied off to the Indian restaurant, where many nice curry type dishes were to be had along with alcohol and chatter about naughtiness which was afoot.The food was good as usual, but for the first time since we had been frequenting said establishment, it was a wee bit late in arriving. Perhaps the moons were aligned the wrong way of something which caused the ovens to brake, who can say? It’s one of those things.

Things picked up later on Saturday after a nice lie-in and a full frothy English breakfast which the heart started screaming at the sight of said health destroying product and asked for a blindfold. Seeing as I am still alive for the moment, it appears to have not have had the result the little fella feared would happen. The three amigos had come later after a nice episode in the hotel where there was constant banging….WAIT A MINUTE! Constant Banging in a hotel?!?!? I sense treachery afoot. We had set off for Shrewsbury to sample some of the delights, well they had, I needed to drop the Lady of Leisure at her country retreat. (Country Retreat sounds a hell of a lot better don’t you agree?)

No sooner had I said goodbye to a tree after hugging it, than I received a phone call stating a retreat from the rain was in order. It was the quickest time that anyone had got sick of Shrewsbury at 17 minutes but hey ho, these are the times we live in. After a quick getaway, we arrived back at the manor house for tea and crumpets and whatever else we English people do these days,and proceeded to keep on chatting away to the hours gone to 10pm, having feasted on takeaway earlier and having a showcase of the Peep Show from Channel 4 to tempt me in watching more of it.

The episodes they chose were very good, but the others after watching them, were not so good. In case you’re wondering, it’s about two chaps who live in flat who are quite different with a multitude of silly things happening such as saying someone’s sister has cancer when she doesn’t, and questioning one’s sexuality (I love you Johnson) as you do.

It all ended on Saturday night, and we said our farewells. Cue dramatic music with someone crying, “NOOOOOOOO!”

Sunday was spent mainly typing away, and studying for exams. While occasionally watching naughty things such as the film that Daniel Day Lewis won that gold statue thing for, There will be cake, I mean, Blood or is it There is blood. Blood’s in the title but due to my natural laziness, I have failed to muster the energy to type into Google what the film is called. Anyway, it’s about a man striking oil who turns naughty, and takes pleasure in suffering.

Sounds perfectly normal doesn’t it? However this film served to show how one man hates everyone and how it seems he wins in the end. Here’s what will happen if you watch the film: You will hate the character called Eli, because he’s an arsehole the size of Mount Olympus, you feel sorry for the son, and you think Daniel Day Lewis needs to have a hug and a cup of tea. The End.

Also beware as he may try to drink your milkshake. The phrase actually is “I drink your milkshake!” from when Daniel Day Lewis was mocking the silly vicar bloke for being a failure and then proceeded to illustrate his skill at extracting oil. The phrase should be on a t-shirt as it’s quite funny!

Aside from the funny line, the film didn’t really go down well unlike a high class lady of the evening, so you kind of wonder if this sort of thing is what the entertainment people want to see. It wasn’t entertaining, it was more of the “saggy pants” See it if you want, but you have been warned.

The rest of the week so far seeing as I have been at home for the first time in what seems like ages, instead of dragging myself to Telford every day. This change of pace has brought a mixture of sleep, tea and sitting at the keyboard every day, creating falsehoods and destroying the fabric of reality around us. This is set to continue until next week when I return for a day and a half at work before running away again for a long weekend. Which is nice.

At the moment, I’m rather happy with what I’ve been doing, I feel revitalised, like I could sing….nah, forget the singing. But for more therputic reasons, I’ve taken some time out to wander around the local town, blessing the little people with my presence, to see what happens in the real world as opposed to mealy peering out the window, cursing the whole of humanity and throwing my faeces at passers by.

I went to the gym for the first time in ages, and frankly I need a cigar to ease the pain of being so out of shape. Damn, it was hard work, no matter how much I tried, I had to wait for someone to open the door for me. Methinks more trips will be required so my majesty can once again be used on doors at will.

In truth, being at home, instead of lots of people around me, haivng the option to do whatever I want….you wish it was like this every week. Ah, a man can dream. But normally it’s about ladies doing the dirty. Or watching cool bits from action films.

I have been working on the Podcast too, along with another disease ridden advert to appear on the Gamer’s WIth Jobs podcast. What applause awaits I wonder. Until next time, which knowing my luck will be next year at the rate of which these updates are being produced, Have fun.

There will be new stuff on the website soon, just I’m busy at the moment! I have a week off to do various amounts of work so hopefully I will find the time to post more naughty and perhaps juggle some balls about while reciting Shakespeare for you all! Nice. Until my return to form, keep the faith campers and take another loan out to pay your bills. Go in peace…

And in a vain attempt to destroy more of the boredom that currently surrounds me, I attempted to make a very bizarre advert for the Gamers with Job’s folks, selling a war game in the style of a shampoo advert. in case you don’t want to venture over there and talk to the fine folks, then allow me to present the monster in all it’s glory here for you to enjoy….

 

 Gears of War with oxdydoxy-something [02:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Warning: Contains uncensored swearing

To answer the question if there will be more, yes there will be but in a little while, after all my head hurt after doing that. Moral of the story: thinking hurts. and if anyone has a game they wish advertised in completely the wrong fashion let me know via email, comment away, whichever you like.

It’s been 25 days since I ventured into the arctic tundra of solace, to be at one with nature and maybe do some work. As the days go past, my thoughts begin to wander to past glories from last year, all those obstacles that I was to overcome, the climbing of Mount Olympus, the repeated sex scandals, defeat of the white whale to avenge my grandfather, and occasionally Glastonbury.

Food’s getting scarce now, I’m down to my last 17,000 tons of pies with mash and 180 containers of teabags with accompanying milk. Solitude can be a strange mistress, the mind wanes for life, and last night I swear that voices were heard through the wind, almost like it was beckoning me on, to succeed and survive (No, you b*****d, I want you to freeze your man sacks off! – Wind).

OK, so aside from that dilly-dallying, I’m sad to report that nothing much in terms of anything interesting has changed over the past few days, the work ever more continues, the dullness have become a naughty foe, throwing eggs at me and slashing the tyres of my car because it knows I can’t do anything about it for the time being.

But it’s not all typing useless rubbish which serves no purpose ultimately, there’s a slight flip side.

The Lord of Leisure (title temporarily suspended pending investigation of fraud) made a guest appearance out in Shrewsbury the weekend, much to the surprise of many and was mobbed by people of all creeds, all supporting the Lord in his hour of need. “We know you’re lazy really!” cried one onlooker and “I want your children!” shouted another. After signing some babies and kissing autographs, the great one parted the sea of joyous disciples, to sit down with two attractive ladies of the day with a steaming pile of brown stuff.

No he hadn’t dropped the trousers and had a manly accident, it was coffee at one of those special shops that the coverted Lord had moaned about so long ago, yet he has been converted. Brothers, welcome him onto your latte bosom and ask for forgiveness for he was blind but now he sees. The conclusion you only can reach is: it’s most peculiar that if you venture into those shops of the bean enough, you get used to them and start liking them too much. It’s insidious.

But alas, as dashing as he is the world’s strongest billionaire, the Lord himself remained troubled. The company of two ladies of the day was not enough to put out the flames of woe. And after a brief period, he parted company from them, and made his way back to the arctic tundra, forever sure that it would consume him for all time. (Insert laugh typical of a Bond villain here after James says “You’ll never get away with whatever.”)

Real world translation: I met Natalie and Lora for coffee and was still down so left them alone to have a girls night in, while I carried on typing away. What an numpty…

The forth coming weekend beckons a welcome change of pace, as I venture outward into the world once more with chums of varying descriptions, to laugh, cry probably some talk about things which will end the world again, like the super collider thingy sitting underneath Belgium or wherever the bloody hell it is, and not thinking about doing nothing but work for a wee while.
Which will be nice.

And the forthcoming week will be spent at home, mainly and this is a big hope completing much of the degree work which means the rest of the time left till the end of May should be easy, and the world will make sense again. Hopefully anyway.

The liberty was taken in playing some more Team Fortress 2 the weekend with some GWJers (or Goodjers I think, what the hell) at 2am Sunday morning after finishing up the last screenshot for the “testing” of my fine “work-based in name only it seems” project. My, there’s a lot of “putting things in speech marks” this post, one may conclude that I have found the button which makes those funny things.

And to keep some of you interested while the Lord of Leisure is out among the penguins, here’s a picture of Jessica Biel in a shamefully erotic pose designed to make you play with yourself while no-one’s looking:

If I didn’t say it, no-one else would.

Some of you may have noticed that some malicious f**ks have been altering the underlying code to oohsometimes.com and a few other pages as well I have hosted so that a whole load of actions occur such as launching your email client and running Microsoft Data access. I am doing the best I can to keep on top of this, and have been playing with locking down file permissions as much as Wordpress allows me to without it throwing a wobbler and wanting it’s toys back.

I can only apologise if you’ve been a victim of any naughty as a result of coming to this site. And to those unmentionables, you can keep trying but in the end, it will do you no good. I have a bunch of IPs to see whose visited so I can just report those and let the relevant authorities do their thing. Hell I can create an access which blocks access to those IP addresses if I really want to waste more time on what is, frankly an annoyance to start with and a criminal offense, no matter what country you’re from?