Oh my, it happened.
This was the day the Illumination studio and Universal Studios responsible for films finally got on my nerves.
I suppose it began with the heavily promoted “The Secret Life of Pets” which had failed to get a single laugh out of me. It was wall to wall stereotypes and half assed acting with a basic story which wasn’t too bad. Then came along “Sing” which was again heavily advertised. Think “Animals Got Talent” and that’s it. No idea if that was any good as basically talent show meh hasn’t really interested me at all. But now they came back with the franchise that launched it all in Despicable Me 3.
Remember the minions? Even if the attempt to spin them off in the Minions film was utterly awful? They’re back and after two seconds shouting Illumination while doing fart noises at the opening logo reveal. Remember most of the characters from the last sequel like Gru’s new wife Lucy and the bloke with the big bottom? They’re here too! Well Ramsbottom (played by Steve Coogan) is only in it for about two minutes before he’s thrown out for someone else. They also didn’t even get Russell Brand back to voice Dr. Nefario so he shows up twice silently. Continue reading →
You may have seen the last Aftermath Video on Youtube, where I had seen Baby Driver at a preview screening a week ago and basically gushed all over it, to the point of repeating myself over and over again. Watching it back, yeah it was cringeworthy, but it was for good reason. You see, Baby Driver became one of my best pieces of cinematic entertainment for 2017. Why? Well stay tuned and find out why I turned into such a fanboy for one Mr. Edgar Wright.
You see, he kind of got slightly screwed over, if what was uttered from the rumours about Marvel’s Ant-Man was concerned, along with Adam Cornish. While there were still clear elements of humour from the pair, other parts you could consider more normal Marvel. So what’s the director been doing with his time? Well he got a bunch of his favourite songs together and wrote a film around them all! Obvious really!
So the plot of Baby Driver, is that we have ourselves a very talented getaway driver by the name of “Baby” (Played wonderfully by Ansel Elgort, whose name also belongs to a swedish porn star). Seems though that he must be constantly listening to music because of an accident when he was a kid, left him with Tinnitus. So the music is played, just to drown the noise out. Continue reading →
It’s been a week since the Mummy returned for the 234676th time on the big screen. Why remake this of all things now? Well it seems that Universal Studios have pretty much gambled all by committing themselves to creating what they are calling the “Dark Universe”. Think of all those comic book things from Disney and Warner Bros, but with Monsters like Frankenstein, Dracula and Barney the Purple Dinosaur.
Because they’re making money hand over fist despite questionable quality of film at the time, it seems Universial are pretty much just jumping on the bandwagon while the going is good. Why do I say that? Because damned if I can think of any other reason why this remake exists. On the face of it, it could have been a nice easy route into exploring this tried and tested world with new twists, turns and various other threads. Be standalone, give a taste of what’s to come and then leave us wanting more. The mistake of not really rushing things through was made by DC and Warner Bros with Batman Vs Superman. Sadly not only do they make that mistake here, it’s borderline much worse.
The whole monster movie concept was always a bit of horror / b-movie cheese, and the last series with the wee scamps of Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz were actually not too shabby as that went. Some good humour, some neat special effects and ridiculous setups made for some decent entertainment back in the day. Of course it did disappear up it’s own arse with the Scorpion King and that third film that I don’t know what happened in that one for sure, certainly not without looking it up. It did though have some wonderful choices in terms of the time period which made it more interesting, the 1920s.
This version though, chucks that all out the window in favour of being set in the modern day. Apparently some knights in shining armour back in the day took a ruby and buried it in merry ol London, just in time for Crossrail Engineers to uncover it all and bring Russel Crowe into the picture. He’s here to give you all the backstory in the film, so have 5 minutes to explain that the Mummy lady did bad things and got buried. But don’t worry kids, he’ll be back later to tell us more. Continue reading →
Ahead of its release tomorrow in the UK, we bring you a fresh mini meh ahead of general release which may get lost in the throng of various summer blockbusters still to come over the next few weeks. Let’s be honest, do we really think Transformers: The Last Knight will be anything other than explosion porn? Even the Fast and Furious attempted something 3% different this time around, and to be honest, it was that which made it a lot more interesting. Ok, we all know we just want to see the Rock and Jason “Steel Nipples” Statham on a road trip next film. Just give us that Universal dammit!
Anyway, moving on. In an effort to have a butchers at something different (and of course courtesy of a free screening), we shine our magic meh light onto the indie film Gifted, which has Captain America exchanging his shield and spandex for a little girl and a crap little house in Florida. Yep, Chris Evans takes on the role of Frank Adler who didn’t fight the Nazis, but instead took on the care of his late sister’s daughter Mary (played very well I might add by Mckenna Grace). They live a very simple life, Frank fixes boats and Mary pretty much seems anti-social.
Mary doesn’t want to go to her new school because school sucks. I agree. But things start to go meh when Mary starts showing the rest of the kids how maths should be done and confounds her new teacher Bonnie (played by Jenny Slate). So much so that it turns out she’s bloody good and a genius it seems. An offer is made to put Mary in a school for gifted kids and Frank basically says no. Why? It seems his family has history which seems to mean that Mary will not have a chance for a normal childhood. Continue reading →
They finally did it!
You magnificent bastards!
You finally made a DC universe film which wasn’t complete and utter rubbish! Start the parades, kiss your loved ones and celebrate! In 2017, where reality no longer makes any sense whatsoever (See recent news) this is nothing short of amazing.
The worst part is, this is how the DC universe could have actually started. I’m serious, with some actual backstory, some character development, some humour and some excellent action, the scene would be really set for an amazing set of follow-on films. Now granted that sounds an awful lot like what the mega money making machine known as Disney / Marvel Studios has been doing and you would be right. They already have hit on something no-one thought would ever really take off as it has done.
But to be honest, there’s worse ways of going about introducing comic book characters to the big screen, and at the moment, DC and Warner Bros are the ones who have done that already. In fact, truth be told that if this was just another waste of time and money, then well, I was not going to bother again with watching any more of the DC films. That was it, done, no more.
But then they brought this onto the screens and it’s about damned time! Continue reading →
You’re probably surprised that Fast and Furious 8 has come up for review now as opposed to when it came out in the cinema some time ago. At this point, you’re more likely to be waiting for the DVD to relive those moments on a tiny screen at home. Well it may have come out decades ago at this point but it’s still worth visiting for a few reasons. One of which, is that this is the first film without Paul Walker, who of course died in a car accident. Which in some ways, only went to show that life is not without a sense of sick irony.
However, to me, Fast and Furious still remains one of the go to brainless film franchises for me. That’s despite the laws of time and space having no meaning in this franchise along with plot holes so big, you’d lose the entire solar system through it.
So for this installment what over the top madness would await us?
Well Dom and Letty are having fun around Cuba to start with, destroying a car to win a race, only to then gain respect from some random hard man who ends up respecting him. After scenes of everyone being happy at the car being destroyed and people not getting killed, Dom gets cornered by a nasty woman in the guise of Charlize Theron.
Next thing we know is that The Rock is being put into prison after throwing Kurt Russel’s new agent into the wall and would you believe it, he ends up in a cell opposite Jason “Hard Nipples” Statham. Remember, he was the bad guy from the previous installment and got put into isolation. Why he was now in a cell block with everyone else now, again, don’t ask as it’s a plot hole. Continue reading →
It’s been a few weeks since the Quake Champions Closed Beta and since then lots of people now know what’s in store for them. But how would the Lord of Leisure fare with such a game where skill is highly valued? You can guess not well and you would be correct. But is it any good in it’s beta state to warrant further investigation when it arrives fully on PC later this year?
Watch on, and find out!